The Food Network

Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom acts as one with our very soul.

"Wow, you must have really been stressed out, the ice cream looks like a tiger attacked it"--Luke

After days of peanut butter sandwiches and cheese slices, my food gene finally kicked in. I went shopping and you would not believe the food that jumped into my cart. Yesterday, I made the kids french toast for breakfast. Then I made pot roast for dinner, and apple turnovers for dessert. Today, I was laying around in the bathrobe so long, I forgot to cook. I was actually surprised that it was 5 o'clock and everyone was home. Jeesh. I made hot dogs for dinner, but then a whirlwind took over.

Beef stew. Chicken corden blue. Lasagna. Banana milk shakes. Chocolate chip zucchini bread in the oven. I started to feel a little sick with all the aromas (and "tastes equal to a small dinner"), so I did make salad for the week and lowfat vegetable soup for my lunch. At this rate, I'll be shopping for mumus and fuzzy pink slippers and babushkas.

I redid the budget. Hmm, maybe I should get rid of the gym membership. No, I think not. I need to do something to compliment the 7 course meals I'll be cooking next. I should get rid of cable so I can't watch the Food Network 24-7. Or home remodel shows. Who knew a house like mine in California is worth $750,000? Can I just put it on wheels and take it out there? The new kitchen is almost done. I am sure they won't notice the fact that you still can't hang drapes because the woodwork is missing.

I went to my first group meeting of other lovely outsourced people. And they had pizza. And regular, corn syrup consistency pop. My sugar and cholesterol levels had been starting to drop since I don't have Robin's candy drawer to dip into every other hour, but what the heck, I need to comfort myself. So I dug in.

Why is that all life alterating events involve lots of food? Why don't we change our course as society and give people running shoes when stress hits, followed by a push out the door to make them learn to comfort themselves another way. Why is it food? Hmm, let me grab a cookie and go find out.

Some people actually lose weight when stress hits. Not me, I am still wearing all the stress from raising 3 kids. If this keeps up, the next remodel will be widening of the doors.

Actually, my plan is to take my time here and digest my lifes purpose. Where do I go next? What do I like? How can I feel fulfilled and get a paycheck? I actually had a job interview last month. Much less pay, but...she mentioned they have free food, like all the time. Lunches, breaksfasts, sweets. Hmm, maybe I can get there and destress some more. Maybe I can volunteer while I look?

Have a bake sale coming up? I have some time to cook. Just let me know what you need, and I'm in. My friend the queen thinks I should make cookies for people, I love it that much. My friend Mrs. Supermarket wants me to write a book "Borscht soup for the trampled mama's soul." I said it would have to be more like "Menopause mama runs you over and feeds you borscht soup." You know, I have to keep the cooking going. Another friend, Mr. Clancy, wants me to join in some adult activities to destress. 3 what? Sorry, I am too timid a catholic girl.

But if you want to reenact the food scene from "9 1/2 weeks," I'm in. After all it's food, and I have some time.