Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.
"Clarence, you have to go down to Earth tonight. There's someone in trouble named George Bailey. Oh, what is the matter, is he sick? No, worse, he's discouraged."--From the movie, It's a Wonderful Life.
It's too easy as a parent to become discouraged when things don't seem to be going our way with our children. Bad behaviors and bad report cards become internalized, as if we were the ones with poor greades or who punched the bully on the bus. The 24-7 rapid fires lives we lead as parents seems never ending in our devotion to our children. We start our days an hour early to drive someone to Pop chorus, give up our lunch hour to get the material for the class project that was due yesterday, and end with running to the book store to purchase another copy of the book they forgot over the long holiday weekend. We clean, organize, and encourage. We read magazine articles on pitfulls to avoid in rasing our children.
We think we have it all together, only to find out they are failing 4 subjects. Or that they treated someone horribly and hung up on their best friend on the phone. Where did we go wrong? What are the neighbors kids doing so well, and we can't even get our kids to pick up their underwear after taking a shower or put their dishes in the sink? What program can we buy to make it all better? Where is our magic pill? Where is Mrs. Brady when we need her?
I have found the best thing you can do when the sky appears to be falling, is to look straight ahead, not up. See what is in front of you, and really pay attention to it. Compliment your child, not matter what. Find something to be happy about and smile.
So Wild Child is failing 4 subjects. He got a 91 in his technology class. A 91. That's a really amazing achievement for him, in a class I made him take instead of study hall. It teaches the whole Microsoft Office program, keyboarding, and basic computer office skills. I am sure he will be able to help me figure how to make a good Power Point presentation when he finishes the year. Or at least, make up excellent graphics for his My Space page. But it's a beginning, and I know I need to start there. Play it up. Be excited.
"Getting the first goal gives them the confidence to win. It's the key to the whole game."--BL, age 11, explaining his philosophy of the Sabres wins to his twin sister.
Sometimes when we listen carefully, we get all the encouragement we need from our own kids. While watching the hockey games this weekend, my youngest son got very excited when the Sabres scored the first goals in each game. He was jumping up and down and screaming, telling his sister they would win for sure. And she wanted to know why. Well, that's easy he said. Scoring the first goal gives them the confidence to win. They starting winning, and everyone is happy with them and congratulates them. This give the confidence to keep on going. Because they are happy, they are on top of the world, and they play well. They have fun. And then they win.
So, I was gratefully reminded to once again compliment my children and make them happy. When they have something to cheer about, they do better in other stuff. That's why I like to give candy bars when they get a hundred on an assignment. It makes them happy all over again, and reinforces the joy of succeeding.
And in their success, I find my success and joy. And that's all the encouragement I need.
Compliment someone today and see how joyful you feel.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Fantasy World
Life Balance: a feat we try to achieve while searching to be the best that we can we, while simultaneously raising our children to do the same. This is the equilibrium in our inner life force whereby our heartbeat matches the divine force that exists all around us. When this life balance peaks, our sense of peace, joy, love and wisdom act as one with our very souls.
The world is but a canvas to the imagination.--Henry David Thoreau
When I was a child, I often played 3 houses down the street with my friend Lizard. We didn't need a lot of toys to use as props in our imagination, since her bedroom was our stage. The tiny 7 x 9 room was the scene for many escapades. She had bunk beds with a ladder, a built-in tall dresser and armoire, an 8 foot long closet. easy access to the kitchen and a first floor window.
We often played house. We would take pillows and blankets and lay them down in the closet for the bedroom. The bottom bunk bed became the kitchen, and the top bed was the living room. The armoire contained her older sister's clothes, so this turned into the clothing store, complete with long mirror for viewing our magnificent finds. The funniest thing we did was around age 10, when big sis was a curvy 16. We put on some of her shorty nightgowns, and blew up balloons which we tied together and wore underneath. We added lots of jewelry and big girl heels! Were we ever hot!
In our make believe kitchen, we cooked our own concoctions. One was "Maple Milk," which was milk with maple syrup stirred in. Yum. The other weird thing was raw peach jello. We liked the taste of the powder and used to dip our fingers in it and eat it. Another was peanut butter with Nestle quik powder stirred in it, with just a little water, and frozen. Kind of a candy bar.
The first floor window had its uses also. We took the ladder from the bunk bed and propped it outside. The bedroom was now a "bank." This became our drive thru teller. For money in the bank, we used playing cards. We carried old purses from Mom and Grandma. And then of course we would go shopping, or play "The Price is Right" where you have to guess the prices to the nearest amount.
Modern day bedrooms often lack this imagination. Most kids have their own TVs and DVDs, stereos, laptops and cell phones. This is to give kids their own "space" and identity. My kids lament their lack of "toys" in their rooms on a daily basis. As teenagers, they of course are in the entitlement phase. We all went thru it, and so are they. I say they are entitled to ask, and I am entitled to laugh hysterically when they do.
Still, I noticed when I was up in the war zones that masquerade as their bedrooms, that imagination is not lacking in my children. The rug is really the "closet" since they leave everything lying all over it. The dressers are really pantries, where they store all the contraband snacks, candy wrappers and pop bottles. Dresser drawers are step stools for the closet shelves. The clothes hamper is used as a garbage can when they can find it. Under the bed is the laundry shoot, complete with easy access kicking zone. Pillow cases are Halloween candy bags. Blankets are living room comforters. Lampshades are basketball hoops for homework detention notices wadded up in a ball.
And curtain rods? Well, those of course are swords, the scene of many duels when Mom is not looking.
Now if we could only figure out what they imagine the lamps are that they break every other week. Basketballs maybe?
The world is but a canvas to the imagination.--Henry David Thoreau
When I was a child, I often played 3 houses down the street with my friend Lizard. We didn't need a lot of toys to use as props in our imagination, since her bedroom was our stage. The tiny 7 x 9 room was the scene for many escapades. She had bunk beds with a ladder, a built-in tall dresser and armoire, an 8 foot long closet. easy access to the kitchen and a first floor window.
We often played house. We would take pillows and blankets and lay them down in the closet for the bedroom. The bottom bunk bed became the kitchen, and the top bed was the living room. The armoire contained her older sister's clothes, so this turned into the clothing store, complete with long mirror for viewing our magnificent finds. The funniest thing we did was around age 10, when big sis was a curvy 16. We put on some of her shorty nightgowns, and blew up balloons which we tied together and wore underneath. We added lots of jewelry and big girl heels! Were we ever hot!
In our make believe kitchen, we cooked our own concoctions. One was "Maple Milk," which was milk with maple syrup stirred in. Yum. The other weird thing was raw peach jello. We liked the taste of the powder and used to dip our fingers in it and eat it. Another was peanut butter with Nestle quik powder stirred in it, with just a little water, and frozen. Kind of a candy bar.
The first floor window had its uses also. We took the ladder from the bunk bed and propped it outside. The bedroom was now a "bank." This became our drive thru teller. For money in the bank, we used playing cards. We carried old purses from Mom and Grandma. And then of course we would go shopping, or play "The Price is Right" where you have to guess the prices to the nearest amount.
Modern day bedrooms often lack this imagination. Most kids have their own TVs and DVDs, stereos, laptops and cell phones. This is to give kids their own "space" and identity. My kids lament their lack of "toys" in their rooms on a daily basis. As teenagers, they of course are in the entitlement phase. We all went thru it, and so are they. I say they are entitled to ask, and I am entitled to laugh hysterically when they do.
Still, I noticed when I was up in the war zones that masquerade as their bedrooms, that imagination is not lacking in my children. The rug is really the "closet" since they leave everything lying all over it. The dressers are really pantries, where they store all the contraband snacks, candy wrappers and pop bottles. Dresser drawers are step stools for the closet shelves. The clothes hamper is used as a garbage can when they can find it. Under the bed is the laundry shoot, complete with easy access kicking zone. Pillow cases are Halloween candy bags. Blankets are living room comforters. Lampshades are basketball hoops for homework detention notices wadded up in a ball.
And curtain rods? Well, those of course are swords, the scene of many duels when Mom is not looking.
Now if we could only figure out what they imagine the lamps are that they break every other week. Basketballs maybe?
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